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matthews_username
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Name: matthew
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 10/3/1985
Gender: Male
Occupation: Research and development
Industry: Textiles
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/27/2003
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| - the passion - lauryn hill -
i dont get myself sometimes.. but this time i think it might be bad. i
dunno but i theres this feeling deep inside, wringing out my inner
organs, the feeling you get when you put frustration, embarassment,
self disappointment and that other negative stuff into a blender and
press liquefy.. in between the heart and the stomach where it feels soo
full yet soo empty.. i dont know cant really explain why..
but i sure do hope, indeed, things are gonna be alright.
maybe its just me though.. hopefully its just me..= \
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| - "play that numba two on that new de la" - mos def live - -
as a wise friend of mine once said, "and im baaack in the game!" time
and again, i contemplated writing in this bad boy, but never until this
day had i realized how important this thing was to me. it was my
best friend, the one thing i turned to first when times were a little
shaky, my lover, my refuge.. MY BLOG! oh how much i have missed thee..
i have swam through the waters of the inner depths of my soul searching
for that one thing that really assisted me in maintaing my sanity
last year. . i had soo many thought processes running through my
head, fluctuating emotions lingering through the veins that
structure bloodflow between my head and my heart.. many a time
where i was lost trying to find myself.. and i hath forgotten that my
saving grace was right there in the confines of my computer screen and
keyboard, and the public eye of the world wide web.. ALAS!! i had
stumbled aimlessly along this shaken path unto something i find balance
in.. balance created inner peace, inner peace associated my thought
process towards harmony, harmony creates an illusion of me
and eric cespedes aka my roommate aka mr haluan aka THE brown
john basedow, sitting indian style in the middle of our lackluster
apartment room wearing only underwear and socks playing patty cake.. in
my opinion, thats the best situation a young man, like i, could ever be
in.. on that note, hey blog. i missed you.. i apologize for neglecting
you for oh sooo long.. the time is NOW!!.. love life.. or die..
muahahah jk dont die.. just love life.
in compensation, i shall flower you with pictures.. well not a lot.. but here goes..
"back in the days, when i was young im not a kid anymore, but some days
i still wish i was a kid again..." juust kidding.. but it does really
seem like it was ages in the past.. too bad it was like only a couple
months ago. i chuckle at how my presence made evvveryyone else near me
look darker.. thank God for the melanin in my skin..
the culmination of a wonder.. prophetic children.. the gifts from the
Creator utilized to create beauty and art.. freedom of expression
at its finest.. but somethings missing.. i wonder whut it could
be?? hmmm.. someday the world will see .. muahahahah
last but not least.. me and poppa sh*t... "if you want some,
cooomeee geettt sooommee." you dont want no problems with harlem..
my mission is complete.. baby steps.. just take the baby steps..
signing off from the heart of the oakes projects.. shaabaaazz ..
whaaaat??"liberate our minds, by any means necessary."
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| - things don't exist here we go again. havent written in a bit, kinda felt like this bad boy has been a tad bit neglected.. well everyone. ill tell you now. summer blows chunks.. like foreals can it be any more boring, uneventful, not worth the wait.. i mean i mean. thank God for the break. school was getting real ugggghhhh .. you guys all know what i mean. but leaving home for a big chunk of time and then being forced to seperate from what i was forced to consider "home", is soo dumb.. nvm. i will stop my complaining. all this negativity = waste of energy.. inhale.. exhale .. BREATHE dreamCYPHER lol
RETROSPECT life.. the good days as i resided in santa cruz, falling asleep to the rising sun.. enjoying the twin xtra long bed cus my feet hang off a regular twin.. kept up by online conversations.. disregarding time and haha morals.. mostly on thursday nights but drifting into being more of like the whole weekend.. stupid sean.. hahah feeling lost a lot in certain aspects of life.. i.e. schoolwise.. the whole major thing got me twisted.. im soo stuck. spirituality.. a big one for me.. motivations.. IMAGE.. mind over matter.. thinking with my heart.. speakin out o' my behind.. relationships.. but being back home my identity gained isnt really taken into consideration.. the 'matthew identity' from last summer is given back to me. kinda forced.. im forced into leading the same life my parents figured i had as i lived in their house.. the same life i left just last fall before moving out to sc.. its crazy how much ive grown though.. not even trying to sound arrogant or nothing.. its just that sc had really made it easier for me to get in touch with the people who cared, either cus they were always there.. either online for days.. what eez iiTT??down the hall and down the stairs right outside the first floor door or like a 5-10 minute drive off campus near the 7-11.. OR they werent there much.. as in my family being in colma ( whaaWHAAT!! ) my best friends, and this one girl, shes poopy lol  jk shes tight.. i guess its simple to see that sc has had a lasting affect on me so far.. i didnt even plan to write about sc and it just came out.. mean i mean.. lets just hope for better days..less complaining about the lack of whatever needed to create a madcrazysexycoolphenominal summer and for my eyes and heart to realize the positivity within and around me lol.. "i got slug love for my nationwide posse, feel me." oh tupac amaru shakur.. u are wise beyond words..
side note rip godfatha.. 
remember.. keep "..envisioning a future where we all continue to S.H.I.N.E." soul hidden in natural expression.. yyeeah what it IS govanaahhh!! | | |
| - Love Supreme: Pursuance sigh..
it's been way too long, but nothing has truly compelled me to write in here in a long time.. summer has come but i am yet to really see what i was looking forward to soo much.. sleep pattern is different, thats for sure. i'm still working on the weight gaining process and theres a plethora of food in the kitchen nowadays compared to my scrounging for meals last quarter.. . i havent seen my pal reina in a while. Last time had to be bowling last week. I got pretty darn lucky that evening. in bowling that is.. you sickos!! Went with a random group of people and i thoroughly enjoyed that. also went back to SC with the rebel himself, mr. sean jaochico. watched day after tomorrow.. it was the illest movie in the history of the film industry.. i suggest you cash out your bank account and watch it over and over and over again.. jsut kidding. a mediocre film.. i spent heaps of moolah on food the past week. kinda figured i shouldn't do that anymore. did NOT buy shoes. they were in my hands, Air Jordan 1 Retro navy blue and white. glistening as the sunlight from the window created a heavenly spotlight on the silver jordan signs. progression, my friends. a little thing i like to call progression. i did buy a couple new things. small and random but much necessary for my coolness factor to increase. my family is doing well id like to believe. theyre all zzz-ing. WOW dawg.. who am i creating a new vocabulary (zzz-ing).. sister nancy has once again sprained her ankle in florida.. which sucks cus once again i am her beeeyotch. i think occasionally she allows herself to do these things on purpose for utter enjoyment of my displeasure.. oh well. thats what im here for. brethren is doing well too. with moms and pops working, and sistah doing her sports camp stuff yada yada, me and the kid are going to have a lot of brother-brother bonding time.. kinda anxious for all the kamp stuff to overwhelm the crap out of me.. i've been writing more. "writing to show you what im fightin for".. the words of one of the illest mcs alive.. damn will someone please tell me what im going to do this summer.. cus there are options trust me.. but i dont have the final say on anything.. only SHE has the final say lol let it be joyous.. thats all i ask.
if you ever find yourself completely dragging, allowing a vast majority of your brain cells to languish, becoming completely overtaken by that little screen that eats your brain out until one day you realize that you might as well shoulda called matt to do something fun, cool, and exciting, jsut call me and ill make sure we do something jsut that..fun, cool, and exciting.. or how bout this. if you have my phone number.. and you have time in your day to spare for me just holler at me.. with my two fingers up.. i say asalamalekum my brothers and sistahs.. | | |
| - too late.. well guys.. i believe this is yet to become another one of those melancholy farewells.. which shouldnt be cus like hey for the most part ill still see a lot of you.. same place same faces same seasons.. in a few months to say the least.. but its always like this.. always has been.. figure it always will be..
so i raise my four-oh to my peoples.. and swig. cus oh what a year its been..
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